Life is hard and beautiful...
Lately, when someone asks me how I am doing, my answer is "mixed". There are parts of my life that are going really well, and there are parts that are extremely difficult and stressful.
In the past, I would often answer through the lens of what is "wrong" and disregard the parts that are "right". That is, after all, the main job of the mind...to find what is wrong, to find the problem. But, when we are viewing life only through that lens, it is difficult to see the good at all.
Some people do the opposite...they claim everything is "great" and push down their pain with spiritual bypass
and positive thinking or wanting to portray an image of having it all together.
Neither one of these serves us well. We miss half of our lives and end up feeling empty and incomplete.
My therapist used
to tell me that "life is hard". It's taken me awhile to understand why she said that to me because in my view I already focused too much on the problems and suffering in life...my own and the worlds. I already feel it all so deeply that it is often overwhelming. I know all too well that life is hard!
Now, I am beginning to understand why she said that.
This week, I became engaged to the love of my life.
And my 15 year old dog, Gigi, is probably going to die in the next day or two.
And, my healing business is growing and becoming exactly what I have wanted it to be.
And, I am probably going to end up in court soon with my ex-husband.
And, this is life. Life is hard and beautiful. It is heartbreaking in both it's pain and joy. We add to our suffering when we think the difficult things shouldn't be happening. That everything is supposed to be good, and that something is "wrong" when things are hard.
So, how am I doing? The honest answer is "mixed". I am not going to let the pain block out the joy. And, I am not going to go the other way and pretend everything is great. There can be both wonderful and horrible at the same time.
And, if you come down to it even further...in this moment what is wrong? I am sitting here at my desk, in my house, typing these words, breathing. In this moment, that is all that is happening. And, it is good.