Letting ourselves off the hook
Is it hard for you to let yourself off the hook?
More and more often, several hours after just ONE drink, I end up with an awful headache which lasts on average 2-3 days.
Now, at this point in my life, I only have two or three drinks a month, and it aggravates me that apparently I can't have even that. It doesn't happen every time (although it is getting more frequent) so I convince myself that maybe this time it will be fine.
So the other day I had a vodka and grapefruit juice....and within a few hours, you guessed it, I had a headache. And I was so mad at myself. The next morning, still with a headache, I was dreading the day ahead of clients and computer work.
And that's when I realized the utter lack of compassion I was having for myself. The subtle story running in my mind, was that it was my own damn fault I had a headache, so I was just going to have to push through the day.
Not only is that unkind to myself, it's not great for my clients, or for the energy behind the work I needed to do for my business.
Yes, I made a mistake. Yes, I should have known better. But was it really necessary to punish myself on top of the already punishing pain in my head?
So, I rescheduled my clients, and lay down in my darkened bedroom. And rested. And meditated. And contemplated self-compassion.
And recognized the limited view I had of what gives my life value. Because I couldn't be "productive" that day, I felt like it was a waste. This belief ties my value as a person to what I "do".
What if we have value regardless of how much we are able to accomplish at any given time? What if our value lies in our being? The flow needs the ebb...one can't exist without the other.
So, this day that seemed like a waste, ended up teaching me quite a bit. It also replenished and inspired me.
Each moment life can show us ourselves. Each moment has a richness deeper than what might first appear if we pay attention.