It's that time of year...the holidays. It is so interesting that at a time when the winter season is asking us to slow down, conserve energy, and turn inward, our culture ramps it up! Holiday parties, shopping, baking - and that is on top of all our usual activities.
So what can we do? Can we say no to our friends holiday party? Yes! When family is visiting, can we stay home while they all go out? Yes! It can sometimes feel like we don't have a choice, that we HAVE do to all the things. But it's not true...we always have a choice. If it's difficult to see that, think about when something has come up, like you or your child had the flu...we cancel everything, right? And the world keeps spinning without us.
There are many reasons we stay so busy. One is that our culture values it so highly. To be busy is to be successful. To admit they we are not busy is admitting failure. But, those are just our cultural values. It is not innately true that to be busy is to be successful. I remember listening to an interview with an American who lived in France for a time. She said that in France if someone says they are busy it's not a good thing! It means that they don't have control of their life. And there is truth in that right? Being "so busy" doesn't feel good. It feels chaotic, out of our control.
Another different, but related, reason, is that many of us equate what we do with our value as a person. This has been a big one for me. So much so, that when I became chronically ill in 2013, I wouldn't slow down. I thought my value in the family was bringing in money, and doing my share in the household. So I pushed and pushed myself, until I got to the point where I literally couldn't do it anymore. And it was only then that I could see that my real value was me, my being, not what I DO. What value was there in being exhausted and not being able to be present for my family?
And, of course, there is the fear of saying no, of hurting someones feelings. That was another one I had to get over. I had to say no to a lot of things. And, I can tell you, it's ok! Life goes on, people have fun, things get done, without you. And really, we aren't doing people any favors saying yes to something we don't want to do, then being resentful, exhausted, and overwhelmed.
So, I encourage you to first, slow down internally. With each activity, project, and social event, before automatically saying yes, take a moment and assess. How am I feeling physically, mentally and emotionally? What other things do I have scheduled around that time? If it's something that you really want to do, but don't feel like you have the bandwidth, can you cancel or reschedule something else? And if it is something that you don't really want to do, but for whatever reasons decide to do anyway, realize that it is still your choice. Relax into the decision and fully commit.
And finally, schedule time just for you, to recharge however that looks for you. One of my favorite ways is to have unstructured time...nothing planned or scheduled. Maybe for you it is lunch with a friend, or a bath, or a day skiing. If you find yourself thinking that there is no time for yourself, ask yourself if that is really true? Free time needs to be scheduled just like any other event or it doesn't happen. You are worth it.
If you find it very difficult to say no, to be less busy, and want some help, please contact me. There are many possible energetic imbalances that can contribute to this problem. For example, issues of self-worth and power - 3rd chakra, speaking your truth - 5th chakra, as well as experiences from the past that are held in your field and affect your present beliefs and behaviors.