Honoring the Ebb & Flow
When this pandemic started and the order came that I had to close my in-person healing practice and stay home, honestly I was mostly relieved. I was still doing some distance healing sessions, but the busy-ness of my days came to a halt. The pressure to accomplish something, to be busy, was alleviated and I had permission, had no choice but to be still.
I slept in most days, meditated, read, played frisbee with my daughter...I loved the long stretches of unstructured time. It felt like everything was on pause, and even though there was worry and anxiety and sadness at times, there was also peace and joy and ease.
I clearly needed this break and it is unfortunate that I wasn't able to give it to myself freely, maybe in smaller chunks over time. That is one lesson learned in this, and I hope when it comes to it again, I can recognize and honor it as a necessary cycle, the ebb and flow.
The other interesting thing that occurred was that after several weeks, I felt that pressure to accomplish again, yet I didn't know what to do. My mind was literally blank as I turned inward and looked for answers. Part of me knew this was the answer: "It's not quite time yet. Be still." But I thought I had been still long enough! It was time for me to move, to DO. I was still in the ebb but I was alternately resisting and surrendering to it.
Then I began to notice that I was feeling sad and aimless in the mornings. I was still sleeping in because that was what I had wanted, had craved, and assumed I still wanted. I'm not a morning person...that is what I believed about myself. But, I turned inward and asked...what is going on here? What is this feeling telling me? Finally it dawned on me that I needed to start getting up early, like 6:30am early....hard for me to believe, but there is was!
And, surprisingly to me, that was exactly what I needed. My mood lifted, and the "flow" started. Ideas started coming so fast I had to keep a notebook nearby to catch them all.
I'm sharing all of this because looking back I can see three important things: 1. Our emotions contain important information. If we can allow them, acknowledge and feel them, we can move onto something new, whether internally, externally or both.
2. We have the answers inside of us. I didn't always easily accept what my guidance was telling me...sometimes I argued, resisted, was oblivious at times. That is all ok. We find our way and it doesn't have to be perfect and it certainly isn't a straight line! And sometimes what we need is not what we would expect. We have to be able to set aside what we think we know about ourselves and the world.
3. There really is a ebb and flow. It is a natural part of life. In our culture we put way more importance on the flow, but there can't be any flow without the ebb. So we have to be strong enough to counter society's, and our own, expectations and beliefs about what it means to be of value.
And I am with you in that...I add my strength to yours in support of a life that is more true and authentic.